If “La La Land” Were Honest About Living In LA

1. First of all, no one (let alone EVERYONE) on the freeway would have their car windows down because it’s almost always hot as hell in LA…even in winter. Also, freeway air is nasty.

2. Instead of singing and dancing about their ~Hollywood dreams~, everyone on the freeway would be singing, ♫It’s another day of inaccurate Waze di-rec-tiooooons!♫

3. SEVERAL cars (not just Sebastian) would honk their horns at Mia for not moving once traffic got going.

4. Mia’s ~quaint~ coffee shop would actually be a combination Starbucks/Jamba Juice/Warner Bros. gift shop near the edge of the lot and far away from all the fun.

5. Mia and her roommates would sing and dance about “what route” they’d be taking to the party, ♫The freeway or through the hillllllls?!♫

6. There’d actually be AT LEAST three parking restrictions signs where Mia had left her car, all of them confusing and possibly contradictory.

7. And after seeing that her car was towed, Mia would call Lyft instead of walking down the hills (in heels) and under a dimly-lit overpass.

8. Sebastian’s apartment building would have paper thin walls, his neighbors would complain about the piano playing, but his building manager wouldn’t do shit about it.

9. After the “industry” party with the ’80s cover band, Mia and Sebastian would be too scared to dance around the hills of Griffith Park at night because of recent mountain lion sightings.

10. And their ~lovely night~ song would get interrupted by an LAPD helicopter flying over at least twice, ♫What a waste of a…I CAN’T HEAR YOU!?♫

11. Sebastian would only be able to “haul ass” past the Warner Bros. security guards for about 15 feet before they stopped him…

12. …and they’d toss his ass back out onto Olive Ave in front of a line of people waiting to see Ellen.

13. When Mia stands in front of the movie screen during Rebel Without a Cause, someone would shout, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? SIT DOWN!”

14. After Sebastian and Mia drive up onto the Griffith Observatory’s walkway, security would call the cops and have them arrested.

15. Their ~romantic~ ride on Angels Flight (the cute orange railway) would never happen because the tram has been closed for several years.

16. Mia and Sebastian would sing about how annoying their commutes home were that night, ♫City of carrrrrrs…♫

17. After burning the romantic dinner he made for Mia, Sebastian would try and order In-N-Out through Postmates, but have to settle for Jack in the Box instead.

18. Mia would get a $75 ticket for parking in front her one woman show’s theater all day because of street cleaning.

19. Mia and Sebastian would miss her audition because of a car accident blocking traffic back into LA on the 15 near Victorville.

20. Mia and her husband David wouldn’t be able to pull off the freeway and “just get dinner” because the exit ramp would also be super backed up.

21. They’d also never be able to find street parking on a weekend night.

22. TBH, they would probably just have a car service take them everywhere all night since she’s a famous actress and they live in NY now.

23. And finally, Mia would never be able to sit and enjoy Sebastian’s jazz club because everyone would recognize her (as a famous actress, ya know) and ask to take selfies with her.

Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed / Lionsgate / Yasashii Regular Font created by Ryoichi Tsunekawa

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