I Rewatched “Empire Records” As An Adult And It Was A Bit Of A Mess

In this post series, I’ve been revisiting the movies I was obsessed with as a pre-teen and teen. Empire Records is one that I liked at the time (mainly because of Liv Tyler), but haven’t watched at all since. Here’s how the experience of rewatching it went down…

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1. That Caesar haircut on guys was such a low point of ‘90s fashion.

2. Baby Renee Zellweger! She was overlining with that matte brown lipstick waaaaaaay before Kylie Jenner.

3. I could not tell you the last time I went into an actual music store. It was probably the ’90s.

4. The world really has changed a lot since then, hey.

5. “Trump Plaza”. Wild.

6. I have no memory of this casino scene. I thought the whole movie took place in the actual record store.

7. Lucas thinks he’s trying to save the store but he’s definitely going to lose all of Joe’s money.

8. Yep, there it goes.

9. Ethan Embry looks 12!

10. I had such a crush on A.J. Wait a cutie. That floppy brown hair. That cardigan. A total ‘90s dreamboat.

11. Omg I just realised the actor who plays him, Johnny Whitworth, was that creepy Cage guy in The 100!

12. Anthony LaPaglia!

13. “Frigging Rex Manning Day”. Lol.

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14. That is a big-ass staff room.

15. Oohhh Liv Tyler. I was so obsessed with her in the ‘90s. Still low-key am, tbh.

16. A.J., read the room. Joe definitely has bigger problems than your love life right now.

17. “Buckethead” is definitely not said enough anymore.

18. I am a sucker for group singing/dancing scenes.

19. This movie really made me think working in retail would be a lot of fun. Ha. Hahahaha.

20. WAIT. Rex Manning is the guy from Grease 2? HOW DID I NEVER PUT THIS TOGETHER BEFORE?!??!

21. Liv Tyler’s outfit in this movie is SO iconic.

22. How did Joe not call the cops on Lucas, for real.

23. Why did Corey’s dad send her flowers at work? That’s weird.

24. Here’s Robin Tunney! What a cast.

25. You do look like a banana head for not calling the cops on Lucas, Joe. But you’re a good guy, I guess.

26. This scene of Deb shaving her head is amazing but I wish it didn’t mean Robin Tunney had to wear that terrible wig in The Craft.

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27. Omg Lucas is playing with a Gameboy. Flashbaaaaaack.

28. Oh boy. A.J. is a total Nice Guy™, isn’t he?

29. “Yesterday you were normal…” Wait, Lucas isn’t this weird all the time?

30. “Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behaviour!” That’s the most quotable line of the whole movie. After “It’s Rex Manning Day”, of course.

31. Oh, Joe is finally calling the cops. Or is he?!

32. “They’re my special recipe. You know what that means.” I do now but I did not at the time.

33. I’m cackling at Gina playing a song to make fun of Lucas stealing 9 grand. What a power move.

34. “Video Killed The Radio Star” is the perfect song for this movie in such a meta way.

35. Lmao @ Lucas taking the cushion with him so he “doesn’t leave the couch”.

36. “Marc” is a terrible name for a band.

37. Lucas is enjoying chasing this shoplifting kid way too much.

38. Heeeeeeeeere’s Rex Manning!

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39. Omg I forgot Debi Mazar was in this.

40. Oh so Joe calls the cops on the shoplifter stealing a few CDs, but he still hasn’t properly reported the employee who stole 9 grand?!

41. “You were my favourite singer in high school.” Lol that accidental burn.

42. “She loves you. I’ve never heard of you.” Screaming at all these women dragging Rex Manning.

43. No, Debi Mazar, don’t go!

44. A.J. is pretty great at air guitar.

45. How did they manage to make Rex Manning look SO unappealing?!

46. No, Ethan Embry, do NOT try to kiss a customer who is just trying to listen to music!

47. “Lucas took $9,000! I only took a couple of CDs.” Warren raises some very good points.

48. You know, I like Joe. He seems like a good guy who actually cares about his employees.

49. Corey went from 0-100 real quick on the whole bringing Rex his lunch thing.

50. “I’m not a baby now.” Oh, but you are Corey.

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51. A.J., now is really not the time to be spilling your feelings to Corey.

52. Also, telling a girl you hate her clothes is not really the best way to reveal that you care.

53. You know, I used to totally ship them, but now I kind of hate it.

54. No, Corey, don’t be awful to Gina just because you’re hurting.

55. Gina going to seduce Rex Manning just to hurt Corey is also messed up.

56. Ugh, yes, A.J. is SUCH a Nice Guy™ who is bitter about being in the friendzone.

57. And now he’s making out with Deb in the middle of the store to get at Corey. Unprofessional AND mean.

58. Joe SNAPPED.

59. Yeah, sure A.J., beat up Rex Manning. Real noble.

60. This is a super toxic workplace tbh.

61. This scene of Mark tripping feels kind of out of place right now.

62. Oh hey, Debi Mazar is back!

63. I just don’t think a fake funeral is the way to help a suicidal person.

64. Mark is seriously the only person who has done any work today huh.

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65. This is a nice moment between Gina and Corey. But are they just gonna, like, ignore the fact that Corey apparently has a drug problem?

66. Okay I guess Lucas and Joe’s dynamic is starting to make sense now given Lucas’ back story.

67. Oh SHIT Warren came back with a gun?!

68. This movie is so much messier than I remember it being.

69. Ohhh the gun was shooting blanks.

70. Yaaaass go Gina. This “Sugar High” song is gonna be in my head all day now.

71. “Doesn’t anybody work in this store?” Lol most real line of the whole movie.

72. Of course Mitch is suddenly keen to sell to Joe.

73. I hate this cheesy ending with A.J. and Corey but I also kind of love it. Goddamn I’m a sucker for this shit.

74. Just kiss already!!

75. There we go.

76. And I’m grinning at this dance scene to finish the movie off. They know how to get me.