“1, 2 Freddy’s comin’ for you. 3, 4…” Freddy better get the hell up outta my face.
Horror movies are great, but you know what else is great? A good night’s sleep.
You need a full eight to 17 hours, right?
Warner Bros.
Still, there’s something about them (the adrenaline rush, the suspense, the…men in masks) that keeps pulling you back in.
I’m not here to judge.
Paramount Pictures
Even though you can’t lie to yourself, you’re a giant chicken.
Universal Pictures
First off, you never go to see horror movies while they’re in actual theaters because…it’s dark in there?
Who designed ~theaters~ anyway? Where are all the night-lights?
Warner Bros.
Which means you have to watch them in your own home, where you SLEEP.
Why not just INVITE the devil straight into your house?
Nickelodeon
Before you even put the movie on, you’re already questioning your life choices.
Maybe you should put on a Disney movie instead? The Hunchback of Notre Dame is pretty scary.
Lionsgate Films
Still, you know that that sweet horror-high is worth all the pre-game fear.
Warner Bros.
Anyway, the movie begins and it always starts off perfectly fine, so you try and play it off like it’ll be funny.
This could be a romantic comedy!
Warner Bros.
But then a character makes some kind of stupid-ass decision, and you’re just like, “Why are you like this?”
NBC
It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve seen it, you’re still gonna watch most of it through your fingers.
You’re safe behind the ballistic protection of your own hands.
Warner Bros.
And you fully yell at the screen throughout because WHY ARE YOU RUNNING UP THE STAIRS WHEN THE FRONT DOOR IS THREE FEET IN FRONT OF YOU???
How do you not know the layout of your own damn house?
The Second City/YouTube
You’re only comforted by the solace of your cell phone, which you casually look at from time to time to remind yourself puppies still exist.
Universal Pictures
That is, until your cell phone rings unexpectedly mid-movie, terrifies you, and is now ALSO the enemy.
The call is probably coming from inside the house!
The Lonely Island
As the movie reaches the climax, you find your reactions to events becoming a lot more polite.
“Hi Mr. Ghostface, um, no thank you.”
Dimension Films
Or radically ruder.
“1, 2 Freddy’s comin’ for you. 3, 4…” Freddy better get the hell up outta my face.
New Line Cinema
And, when you finally convince yourself to go to bed afterwards, you turn all of the lights on.
Some people think it’s excessive to have 76 lamps in your house, I think it’s necessary.
Warner Bros.
But you STILL can’t sleep, because all you can think about is the imagery you just forced your brain to process.
FOX
Still, you know that the next chance you get, you’ll watch another horror movie over any other genre, and repeat this ridiculous cycle all over again.
Because you’re just a fool in love with horror movies.
Dimension Films