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“…Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
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“…Neither. I would rather be respected, which is the perfect mix of love and fear.”
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“…Loved. Because everyone fears great love.”
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“…Feared. Because then I could force them to love me.”
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“…I do have some superstitions.”
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“…I never walk under a ladder, just in case.”
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“…I am a little stitious.”
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“…I am afraid of black cats.”
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“…But I don’t hate Domino’s Pizza.”
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“…But I love Burlington Coat Factory.”
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“…But I don’t think there’s any disappointment that ice cream can’t fix.”
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“…But I hate disappointing myself more.”
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“If I had a gun with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby…”
NBC via Netflix
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“…I’d shoot my pants. See what I did there?”
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“…I’d shoot Bin Laden and let Hitler shoot Toby.”
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“…I’d shoot Toby twice.”
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“…I’d pistol-whip Bin Laden, shoot Hitler, and then kill myself because I’d hate being alone with Toby that much.”
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“…the dementors.”
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“…being somebody’s bitch.”
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“…that there was no cable TV.”
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“…all the shawshanks.”
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“I hit Meredith with my car.”
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“I kissed Oscar.”
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“I accidentally cross-dressed.”
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“I tried to frame Toby with a bag of salad.”
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“…and I totally understood it.”
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“…or did I?”
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“…and it was a complete nightmare.”
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“…or at least I dreamt I did.”
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“…and I don’t even know where it’s going.”
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“…and I literally can’t stop.”
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“…and just make it up on the fly. It’s called improv.”
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“…and then I’ll get distracted by boobs. It’s a real workplace danger.”
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“I’m just the untouchable boss to you.”
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“You’ve just seen my penis.”
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“You haven’t even been to my condo.”
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“I’m a very mysterious soul.”
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“…especially when Dwight is on the outside of them.”
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“…love getting inside someone’s head.”
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“…who doesn’t like being all up inside your best friend?”
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“…love to be a part of one someday.”
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“…I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Forman Grill.”
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“…I will dance like nobody is watching.”
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“…I will wrap myself up in my blanket like a mummy, the way my mom used to tuck me in.”
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“…I will secretly look through Jan’s phone. Just to make sure that assistant of hers stops harassing her.”
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“…but that is like being friends with a terrorist. And I love my country too much.”
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“…but I just hate him so much that it literally caused me pain to talk to be near him.”
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“…but you try being friends with Voldemort.”
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“…but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail.”
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