Billy From “Stranger Things 2” Is The Trash King Of 1984

Warning: Spoilers Ahead.

Stranger Things 2 brought us some epic new characters…

Stranger Things 2 brought us some epic new characters...

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Max.

Max.

AKA My Queen.

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Bob.

Bob.

Sean Astin has been winning Hollywood’s “Most Adorable” award for 32 straight years.

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Erica.

Erica.

THIS CHILD IS EVERYTHING.

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Kali.

Kali.

So. Badass.

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And even Dr. Owens.

And even Dr. Owens.

He was sketchy at first, but he pulled through.

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But one new character really set Hawkins back…

But one new character really set Hawkins back...

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Billy fucking Hargrove.

Billy fucking Hargrove.

When he first speeds up in a Camaro while blasting “Rock You Like A Hurricane” we think “Okaaaay, who is the new Hawkins Hottie??”

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We’re teased a little…

We're teased a little...

Where will those legs lead?!

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…we think MAYBE they’re about to reveal the new man of our dreams…

...we think MAYBE they're about to reveal the new man of our dreams...

Heyo.

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…But instead, we get this MONSTROSITY of a haircut.

...But instead, we get this MONSTROSITY of a haircut.

Who chose this wig??

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And this horrible excuse for lip hair!

And this horrible excuse for lip hair!

BLARF.

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These girls are being DUPED by jeans.

These girls are being DUPED by jeans.

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How you gonna do Tommy H. like that, Carol?

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But even if he didn’t have the hair of a monster, he’s also just a real piece of shit.

But even if he didn't have the hair of a monster, he's also just a real piece of shit.

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He almost ran over our precious bbs!

He almost ran over our precious bbs!

This was, by far, the scariest scene of the season.

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He is horrible to Max.

He is horrible to Max.

GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF HER!

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He hates Lucas for NO REASON.

He hates Lucas for NO REASON.

He’s either jealous that a boy is paying attention to his sister or straight up racist. Either way, BAD. BAD BAD BAD.

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He picks on Steve, disrupting the ENTIRE social order of Hawkins High.

He picks on Steve, disrupting the ENTIRE social order of Hawkins High.

BACK. THE. FUCK. OFF.

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Like, even in the SHOWER.

Like, even in the SHOWER.

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Sure, we feel bad for him when we find out his dad is Trash King Sr…

Sure, we feel bad for him when we find out his dad is Trash King Sr...

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…And we can’t really blame Mrs. Wheeler for giving in to his charms…

...And we can't really blame Mrs. Wheeler for giving in to his charms...

Her husband was snoring in a chair while she read erotic literature in the bath. She needed this.

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…But there was no redeeming him after he beat the shit out of Steve.

...But there was no redeeming him after he beat the shit out of Steve.

This is the face of a goddamn MANIAC.

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Thankfully, Max stabbed his ass.

Thankfully, Max stabbed his ass.

BUH BYE.

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But knowing he’s still walking around Hawkins while others didn’t make it is INFURIATING.

But knowing he's still walking around Hawkins while others didn't make it is INFURIATING.

YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS TOWN, BILLY. Go back to Power Ranging.

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Shoutout to Dacre Montgomery, though, who is definitely dreamy IRL.

Shoutout to Dacre Montgomery, though, who is definitely dreamy IRL.

Here’s hoping Billy will get some kind of Frankenstein brain transplant in Season 3.

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